When I was a kid growing upcoming from a big family that was all quite close.
I loved playing with everyone, which was made even easier as I was never treated super different or like my disability mattered or it meant I couldn’t play with everyone, where even at times when I was determined (some might say stubborn :)) to be able to play no matter if there were steps into a garden, field, either by using my walker or wheelchair. I guess I have my family to thank for that as I still approach this way of thinking (as much as I can) today when it comes to my disability. I just go ahead and do it even if it's hard, or difficult, or 'impossible' all that matters is that I at least try it once instead of not trying all, because I think I can't do it or because I was told that I can't or won't be able to do something instead of finding out for myself.
'I was the kid with my k-walker that wanted to skate - Fast forward to me with those Fischer prices adjustable skates on while using my K-walker.'
Sure, I probably got some strange looks or people laughing but at the time I didn’t really care, I just wanted to skate and that was that. The same way I wanted to learn how to cycle *3 wheeled bike with splints* it was so fun, and I really enjoyed (when I wasn’t getting off 5 minutes in to go to the toilet, but that was until I was racing one of the other kids on my road (me on the bike and her racing along in my wheelchair). Que us racing and then crashing into each other and the bike falling sideways and my hand being squished under one of the handlebars - which meant a Hospital visit and a slightly sprained hand. I'm pretty sure I just stopped using it soon after that (sorry ma).
Now it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows I mean yes there was some bullying, teasing and it wasn’t the best time I won't lie…Luckily any of the times were nipped in the bud quite early enough, and even in the latter days like secondary school it was still shit when it happened and I did get annoyed or upset but after so much and then not actually wanting any drama I guess looking back I did learn to clap back more and I learned that the best answer is to not respond at all.
Fast forward from about 14 to 16 to my 20s I became friends with my first best friend, and I started going out more like to parties, trips to town, cinema and just hanging out in general. It then turned into first parties and being as social as possible and I guess feeling like I was accepted by my peers and being invited to more parties, nights out …
As a disabled girl in my teens where I never felt much different from everyone else, as it was how I was brought up, that yes I do have a disability but it doesn't mean that I should let it get in the way of doing what I wanted to do and I won't lie I did live by this and still do but there was a time where after doing regular things that people my age did like nights out and being carried up and down the stairs, up and down lifts in nightclubs that I almost remember that I let the thoughts of having to be helped up and down and in and out of places (all-be-it free most of the time) it meant I had started to think the opposite of the mind set of my disability does not define who and what I am and what I can and can not do in life.
Now don’t get me wrong this mindset is a great way to be and it can be so satisfying when you finish what you said you were going to do, that may have been seen as 'impossible' or ‘wouldn't even try that to be honest' it also can help with confidence and self-esteem. In the same breath, I have also learned a lot over the years that there are things that I will and will not put up with and the things I am willing to fight for (as in fighting for what's right) and what is just not worth the bother - Yes I will speak up for other people (able-bodied or not) and I will answer any questions even with kids that are generally curious and think that it's cool and just want to know more. I will also have proper conversations about my disability like I won't make anyone feel awkward and it took a time to get comfortable and not get defensive if someone just can't see past the disability and my wheelchair and who might even choose to talk to the person I'm with rather than to me. Even in social situations I was always invited out with friends and I would go and have a good time, but it did get to a point where depending on what the plans were at the time, it turned out that it was not logically or logistically smart for me to be going anywhere near here - If the place was not accessible at all and it would prove to be more of a hassle, in the long run, to have gone at all.
It is now 10 years later (I feel so old) I do look back and think of all the memories that I had made and the fun and laughs and even the not so fun times it all led to where I am today and taught me a lot of the biggest life lessons I've had to learn, looking back I am so grateful that it did happen even the hard times as I realized some things that I am comfortable with in terms of my disability and as a person, what this means to me as in how to separate these two things one being Me: the person, my personality, the emotions, my likes and dislikes, quirks, hobbies, interests, goals and then My Disability: my wheelchair, my diagnoses, not being able to do certain things, having to adapt to things, needing and asking for help.
Speaking of asking for help, this last one can be tricky to do, but it has in my experience been so worth it when you do build up the courage to finally ask for help say you haven't been feeling the best lately or things are getting you down (so important!!) to something small like asking for help for the smallest of things like getting something from a high shelf, help to carry shopping, help up and downstairs and asking for help in the form of support for any occasions or situations where you feel that you would be a lot more comfortable perhaps if you had someone with you to help and support in those times.
I know its never easy to firstly admit to yourself when you need help and then to confide this in people you love and trust but what I do know is that no matter the situation or the outcome I've always felt so much better in the end when the dust fades than if I had never confided in someone and just let it build and build and build until the volcano just *E X P L O D E S* so if you take anything at all from this post I hope you feel a little braver, a little stronger to be who you are, to ask for help and that you just continue to do the things that make you happy no matter how silly you may think you are, 99% of the time it is never as bad as you might think at first and the majority of the time people are too busy worrying about themselves and what there doing to be worrying and concerned with what you're doing! so just relax and keep doing what you're doing! :)
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